Kailei's Journal

[Nanori]

The worn journal laid open upon the young paladin's desk, a pen resting in the crease between the pages. The book was turned to her most recent entry...

Dear Journal,

I do not know why I bother to write in this thing. Perhaps it eases my heart to hold onto something that might be considered "childish" or "immature" according to others I have met in passing. Who knows?

However, lately I have been consumed by my work, hence the lack of entries. The fight against the Alliance is one that requires a lot of dedication and drive. I wonder if I am spreading myself too thin, especially with my private search for my beloved. If the search turns bad, at least I can lay his body to rest properly...but since I have yet to find anything, I keep hope alive that he may still be out there somewhere. I miss him so much...

At least I have been able to take my frustrations out on the Alliance, there have been successes and failures, however the thrill of battle makes my mind clear enough to keep going on. The Light aids in my struggle and helps me to focus, but sometimes it seems so difficult to hold strong to that faith. Maybe I need to go home, seek my mother's council through a visit to her grave...being near her even though she is not physically there, sometimes restores that faith that I require. We will see, but until then rest calls for me.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal,

So, apparently...something has happened to me. Just today, I woke up in a cell out in the middle of Gilneas. I do not remember what has happened over the span of the last three days...it is scary to think of what MIGHT have happened to me. I do not feel any different right now, I'm not in any pain, other than a rather nasty looking scratch I discovered on my arm...but I bandaged that temporarily until Bryii can take a look at it as I don't really trust my own judgment on healing of my own wounds, as I cannot remember where it came from.

It was a man by the name of Eurphadion that got me out of the cell, and took me back to Orgrimmar where I found Ashenfury waiting by the tavern. He said the wolves lost my scent...which is strange...because I was in Undercity...I think heading to Silvermoon...I think I was going to visit my parents...but I can't for the life of me remember WHY I didn't make it there...it gives me a headache just to think of it.

Ashenfury and Eurphadion talked a bit. Apparently Eurphadion can lead Ashenfury and Knithawk to where I was found, Eurphadion mentioned an alchemy lab...that prospect is a scary one...I could be poisoned...or worse. As of right now, I do not feel any odd effects.

I wish that Zeromuz was here. I am left alone to deal with this situation...and with no one's shoulder to cry upon...I try desperately to keep it all in and not have my world crash down around me. I almost broke down in the Wyvern's Tail again today, I shudder to think that I may have been...nevermind...we won't think of that prospect. But if my fiance is anywhere on Azeroth...I would give everything I am for him to come back home...

I am rather tired though from trying to force myself to think of what happened...I hope it will come to me eventually I am sure. Well...I hope...

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal,

I had nightmares last night, of I suppose possible things that MIGHT have happened to me. They were such a blur of terrifying things that I would prefer not to think about it, and it almost makes me thankful that I cannot remember.

Today at some point Bryii is supposed to come by and check me out. I am really nervous that she may actually find something, but really what can there be other than this irritating scratch, I should just heal it and be done with it...

On another note, I went into battle again last night, and despite my memory loss, everything seems to be working as it should, I was able to call upon the Light with ease as usual. So I will take care of some business around the homestead and wait until Bryii to contact me. Wish me well journal...

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal Feb, 20th

So, I was puttering around the house, just trying to rearrange some boxes, and get the clutter of many months cleared out of the living area, and I had a visitor drop by my home. First up the dirt road came Eurphadion. He apparently wanted to check on me and see how I was doing, and then a fellow Blood Knight came to visit me, one by the name of Roth'rili.

I knew of him from the Blood Knight roster, and it was a pleasant surprise to see him and catch up on how things were back home. Eurphadion had to run off to Orgrimmar, he mentioned something about his niece. So myself and Roth'rili talked about how my memory seems so screwy, and he even offered to help me figure things out more. He taught me this neat trick I can use if I happen to give myself a migraine again, which may very well happen if I keep forcing myself to think on things I can't remember.

Then Eurphadion came back, he seemed rather over-protective when he saw I was sitting with Roth. The two had sort of a stare-down, and then Roth left, with promises to stay in the inn in Ratchet in case I needed anything. Eurphadion seems to think something bad has befallen me and keeps telling me I need to rest...I don't understand why, I feel fine. But instead of elevate the testosterone driven encounter I agreed and went inside to rest.

Tomorrow, I will stay home and putter around the house. Do some more maintenance until Bryii comes out to check on me, she had something come up last night I believe and was unable to make it. Anyways, good night journal, I will write again soon.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, Tues. 2/21

Well...seems it was worse than I thought. Bryii seems to think that I am infected with some sort of disease. I am not sure exactly what that is though. I know I am supposed to be resting, but sitting here in bed is not hurting anything I hope.

Bryii called me an idiot for trusting Eurphadion. I didn't THINK that he was responsible for me being in that cell, but she doesn't trust him. And let's just say...the examination that I went through tonight, was PAINFUL. Bryii cut open the wound on my arm, dug around and ripped out some of the torn flesh inside! If I didn't have Nyali there soothing me I think I would've fainted. As if that didn't hurt enough, the antiseptic stage of things was just as bad.

Ashenfuy also mentioned that my home may be quarantined if things get any worse. A prisoner in my own home...wonderful, but I see the need for it if there is a possibility that I can be really contaminated. I don't question Ashenfury's judgement....but I don't have to enjoy being trapped here. And you think, that while I was stuck in the house ANYWAYS, I'd be allowed to do some cleaning and organizing. No. These two (Bryii and Nyali) won't even let me out of bed. So HERE I AM! IN BED! WRITING just cause I can't my mind just be blank.

But I think I will take this time and actually get some rest. Good night.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 2/22

Things have gotten worse if that is even possible. My face...looks like a purple bruised mess, and there is a high fever. I cannot stop coughing, and the wound on my arm...it just keeps bleeding.

Nyali gave me a potion earlier in the day, that let me sleep for a better part of the day. I was thankful for that. However now, it seems I have issues even keeping water in my stomach. I have nearly no appetite...and Nyali is trying to inject potions into my system to help me. I vomitted the first one on the floor...Roth had to clean it up. I felt really bad that I am too dizzy to do much but sit here in the bed...Bryii also returned from wherever she went off to...and currently is discussing things in private with Nyali.

If you ask me, that makes it seem that things might be worse than they appear...I will write more in a little bit, perhaps when they return.

Well some good news Journal, Nyali seems to have found a potion that makes it so I don't get any worse. She has filled several syringes for me, and I am supposed to inject them once an hour...and maybe...just maybe it will keep me from getting any worse. (Not that I am in the greatest shape right now...but it is better than dying over something we can't cure).

I just hope...that we find a way to fix me before we run out of this potion. Otherwise I dread to know what may come next in the stages of progression of this...illness, plague...whatever it is.

I do not understand why Roth chose to stay here, I know why Nyali did, but Roth is still confusing to me. Why he would choose to put himself at such risk for me when he barely knows me. But Nyali wants me to rest...so I am going to go to sleep. Good night.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 2/23

Well another day has begun in as Roth calls it "my test". I still feel miserable. The fever has not subsided, and as I can see my nail-beds are still bruised so I can only assume my face is, I broke the mirror the other day so I cannot check.

The one downfall to injecting this elixir as opposed to drinking it, is it BURNS like fel. It takes every ounce of strength I possess to not scream everytime it gets injected...thankfully Nyali gave me that sleeping potion last night, otherwise I would not have gotten any rest at all.

I would give ANYTHING to feel better, and to be able to go outside. I swear by the Light, if I make it through this, I am going to go to one of those hot spring places, and sit in the sun for HOURS. The walls that surround me right now feel very close...and stifling. I am sure the fact that I am burning up doesn't help, but that is how I feel. I will write more later, I am sure Nyali will be around soon with another one of those needles.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 2/26

I am well again! I have never been happier in all my life than I am now. I again get to go into battle with my guildmates, and I get to be OUTSIDE! Right now I am sitting at the Steam Pools, just relaxing after a successful attack on the Exodar. Prophet Velen went down like a stone tonight. Ishonokos went with us this evening, and he is a great bodyguard as well. He stays close to me, which makes me feel much safer. Not that I do not trust the members of the Grim, it is just I would feel awkward having to ask someone to babysit me. Nyali made a good choice when she hired him, at least I do not have to burden someone else in the Grim, and I have made a worthy friend.

Now onto what exactly happened to me, apparently I was a guinea pig for some sadistic warlock who wanted to test out her version of a plague. Leyu'jin met with her and got the cure for me and the others I infected...and he even got a sample of the plague, so we can use it against our enemies. I am just glad to feel better I really do not care what happens with the plague after that.

And tomorrow I take hold of the reins again for Pillagers after my sickness...I am worried that I might be rusty...I hope that is not the case. Elayne told me that the troops did well enough last week, I wish I could have been there. Now onto relaxing for the rest of the evening, I will write again soon.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 2/27

Tonight I went back into battle with the Pillagers. We fought some hard battles, fights were won and lost, but overall it felt good to be back in the thick of combat with my brothers and sisters of the Grim.

On another note, I am currently seated on a high peak in Azshara watching Bryii give an Inquisition to Ishonokos, it is an interesting thing. He joined Pillagers as well this evening, he has the potential to be a very good asset to our battles...and I am glad that he chose to sign on with the Grim.

On a more...odd, note. Zeromuz is not dead as I thought. I had an emotional breakdown when I saw him again tonight. I did not really expect my own reaction. I thought I would be ecstatic that he was not dead, however...my anger at being abandoned before his death surfaced. I think I might have upset him, it seemed as if he expected me to leap into his arms. I however could not do it, after all those weeks searching for him...I didn't realize how broken my heart was. Apparently I was more hurt than I realized...I do not know if I can work through it...or if I want to risk it again...especially not after my near death at the cruelty of the plague I was infected with.

Either way, I am supposed to be paying attention to this Inquisition. I will write some more later.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 2/29

A Grim meeting. Tonight the guild assembled in Thunder Bluff, for a meeting of sorts to discuss some changes and promotions and the like. I am sitting next to Ishonokos, Bryii and Nyali, just waiting for the proceedings to begin.

Apparently the meeting was a bit late in starting due to the absence of some people. But...it still is going to happen. I am rather bored...and have other things to attend to tonight, if I can ever sneak away from Ish....we will see if that is a possibility.

Some promotions took place, and talk of fighting the armies of the Destroyer so far, I am just making notes for my own personal remembrance at this point. I do not wish to have a gap in memory again. That is a scary prospect as I have lost 3-days of my life...I know I wasn't dead...and things have happened to me, but it kills me a little inside to not remember WHAT happened.

So now they talk of a replacement in one of the ranks of soldiers fighting Deathwing's army. And more changes to come to our alliance fighting teams...then they brought up the plague again...I shudder to think of it even being used on our enemies. Only due to the highly contagious nature of it....I will not suffer through that sickness again, and I hope the Enforcer chooses NOT to use it due to the risk involved.

But I suppose we will see, I have to wonder though what kept our Enforcer from the meeting this evening...and I will write again soon. Here's hoping I stay healthy.

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal 3/29

Well, I was played for a fool again. I need to stop letting people in. They only hurt me, I need to be more like Nanori...keep everyone at arms length. Only family, and only the Grim can be trusted.

Eurphadion serves the bitch Calystae that gave me that fantastic plague a few weeks back. I found out the other night when he stood at her side as her guard...and then threw it in my face that he was there with her.

I destroyed my home in a rage earlier, made a huge mess and then proceeded to melt the solid gold choker I had made. I was such a fool, it feels as if my heart has been shattered into a million tiny pieces...again. So much for trying to cling to some SMALL semblance of a normal life, a soldier should only focus on soldiering, relationships are for the weak, but honestly...I would trade an eternity for what was taken away last night.

I was happy...HE made me happy...something that wasn't returning home each night covered in the blood of my enemies. He made me feel special, like I stood out in a crowd, the thing that kills me inside the most, is that it was ALL a lie. I am not even sure anymore, but if he serves her, that means there is a VERY good possibility he was the one who turned me over to her in the first place. That would mean in part, a rather LARGE part, he was responsible for making me nearly die. I do not want to believe that journal...but he was nothing more that a deceitful, traitorous liar.

The pain in my heart is terrible right now, I do not even wish to be around my TRUE friends in this state. Because I am bound to snap at them for the stupidest of things. I have been through so much in my short life so far, but being betrayed has to hurt the most.

I cannot, nor should I burden my friends with this so somehow, I'm going to have to make it alone.

Kailei.

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 3/30

Well, I moped around for quite a bit last night. I don't feel any different for being a lazy slouch about. So today, I am determined NOT to think about things the way they are. Nanori will take care of things, in her own way of course. I just worry for her safety most of all.

Eurphadion was a jerk, plain and simple. Yes it hurt to see what I saw the other night, but unfortunately it is the way of things. I will lock away the pain as Nanori suggested and just try to go on with my life. However, if Leyu'jin continues to work with them...unless ordered to, I will bow out of any future meetings. Eurphadion is not Grim, I do not have to like him, nor do I have to speak with him. And when given the okay to kill that witch...if Eurphadion is not already dead by that time, I am going to show him what it feels like to have your heart stepped on after I cut open his chest and step on it with my heavy plate boot.

Anyways...it's a beautiful day, I think I need to go and murder some Alliance...nothing like coming home at the end of the day covered in the blood of my enemies!

Peace through Annihilation!

Kailei

[Nanori]

Dear Journal, 4/4

Well, not only was Eurphadion a lying deceitful bastard, but he was ALSO the one who turned me over to Calystae in the first place!

I had my thoughts on it after I saw him at her side during the last encounter, but tonight it was confirmed by none other than Calystae herself. I am so furious I am shaking as I write this. But thankfully for myself, I contained that rage last night.

I have decided that I am better off never trusting another man. There is too much pain involved, so if they are not Grim, they can go to fel. I will not put myself at risk for failure again.

Caring and "feelings" are for the weak. I no longer have those as of today. As for Calystae, if I see her tonight, there will be no more insulting of me smugly. I am a Dreadweaver of the Grim, and she WILL show me respect, if I have to beat her to a bloody pulp to prove that point...I will.

As for Eurphadion... I will make him understand what it feels like to have his heart stepped on...either through Nanori finding him, or doing it myself. I am leaning towards doing it myself at this point. As a matter of fact, I may tell Nanori that I will handle it from this point on. My message to him, will mean more if it comes to him directly...from me.

Well journal, I will have more to write later tonight. Until then...

Peace through Annihilation.

[Nanori]

Dear Journal 5/30

I have recently read through your pages. I have watched myself evolve through the faded pages of parchment, and I am not sure that I like what I see.

Recent entries have lead me to believe I have let my heartbreak consume me, and the hatred is eating away at my inner self. In truth, that hatred has made me a better soldier, a better fighter, but it does nothing for me other than that.

I believe that hatred is a useless thing. It is time to let the hatred go, yes Eurphadion hurt me, and so did the loss of Zeromuz. But hurt is a temporary thing, and I should not let that hurt turn to hatred.

Does this mean that I do not wish to harm Eurphadion if I see him again? No. He still betrayed me, he still deserves his fate. However, I will not be letting that be my only reason for existing. I still have good friends, I still have my sister, I have things to live for outside of my vengeance. My brothers and sisters within the Grim, they need me on the battlefield.

And I need to be focused on those battles that lay in wait for me, I cannot let my mind be clouded by hatred any longer. From this point on, I will let the hatred go...and just focus on my goals in this life while I live.

Kailei Windstalker